Five Truths about Effective Couples Counseling
If you’re feeling stuck or confused in your relationship, you might be wondering if couples counseling can provide clarity and a way forward for you and your partner. Or maybe you’re already planning to go couples counseling, but you’re not sure what to expect. To help you understand how couples counseling works, let’s delve into five truths about effective couples counseling.
1. There is a ‘getting to know you’ phase.
By the time many couples are in their first therapy session, they are hoping for relief to happen soon. But a therapist can’t solve deep-rooted problems within the first meeting. They shouldn’t even try, because it takes time to absorb each person’s point of view, witness the couple’s dynamic in action, and formulate a customized plan for how to help. Couples counseling can and should take a few sessions to really get rolling.
2. It can feel worse before it gets better.
Couples counseling necessarily brings up strong emotions, and starting out might look like unpleasant conversations and hurt feelings. I sometimes see during initial sessions that clients are putting it all out there - telling their partner what they really think, or bringing up issues from the past that they had thought were resolved. If this happens in your therapy, know that it’s normal. It takes time for each person to learn the skills to talk through thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t lead to even more stress.
3. Couples counseling is like looking into a mirror.
Couples therapists don’t play the blame game. They will ask both members of the couple to reflect on their own thoughts, reactions, and behaviors. The more each person is thinking to themselves, “How am I playing into this dynamic that I don’t like? What can I change to make it better?” the quicker positive change will happen. The therapist helps each person answer those questions.
4. You will practice new skills in the session.
Sure, a couples therapist will probably assign homework for you to try outside of the session - like taking turns to discuss each others values and dreams. But they also want to take advantage of having the couple right there in the therapy room. A therapist will coach clients on skills for effective communication, emotion regulation, and connection-building.
5. You won’t just be talking about your problems.
Couples counseling isn’t just about fixing the bad stuff. It’s also about rebuilding a strong foundation of the good stuff, like admiration, affection, and love. Therapists know that the more positive and supportive interactions a couple has, the easier it will be for them to handle the hard times. They can help shift your point of view so you start to remember why you’re a couple in the first place.
I hope this list helps you know what to expect and look for in couples counseling!
If you’d like to learn more about how I can help with your specific situation, feel free to click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and talk about the right next steps for you.
