Five Myths about Couples Counseling
It’s understandable that some people are reluctant to try out couples counseling. There is a lot of misrepresentation in TV and movies - it really galls me when TV therapists ask clients to hit each other with foam sticks. Violence = no. And because relationship struggles are often kept private, you probably won’t hear from your friends and family who tried out couples counseling and had a great experience. Deciding to come to couples counseling is hard enough without misinformation about how it works and what it can do for you. To help you know what to really expect, I’ve broken down some myths about effective couples counseling.
Myth 1: Couples counseling can’t help us.
Does it seem like you’ve tried everything, and nothing helps? It’s understandable to feel hopeless. But research shows that couples counseling positively impacts about 70% of couples who get treatment. Wondering who falls into the remaining 30%? Often it’s couples who engage in intimate partner violence (that’s why individual therapy is recommended first - couples counseling can exacerbate that dynamic) or couples in which one person has already decided to leave the relationship.
Myth 2: Couples counseling will make things worse.
This myth is partially based on that 30% described above. Additionally, sitting and discussing uncomfortable topics can initially feel worse than avoiding the issues or having the same frustrating but predictable arguments. You might hear your partner reveal things that surprise and upset you, or you might feel awful if you say something that hurts them. But authentic conversations are necessary for couples to get to the bottom of their issues and create a brand new path forward. The therapist is there to guide you so that these conversations go as smoothly as possible.
Myth 3: Couples counseling is only for people on the brink of divorce.
Unfortunately, it is very common for people to wait until divorce is on the table before they seek professional help. But couples counseling is beneficial for people in all stages of their relationship. Research is clear that the sooner you get into couples counseling - before problems and resentments become entrenched - the more positive impact it will have on your relationship.
Myth 4: If you need couples counseling, then you shouldn’t be together.
This is based on the misconception that humans inherently know how to have long-term, happy relationships. In reality, being in a fulfilling romantic partnership requires skills that most people don’t learn growing up. Seeking help is a sign of strength and an investment in a relationship. Couples counseling can actually be what helps you stay together.
Myth 5: The couples counselor is a referee for fights.
Alright, this one is a little true. Fights do happen in the therapy room, and I have often had to jump in to call time-out. But that’s not what a course of couples counseling is about. After getting to know you and learning what your arguments look like, the couples counselor will teach you how to stop fights before they get started.
The best way to figure out for yourself if couples counseling can work is to give it a try. If you’d like to see if I might be the right online couples counselor for you, please click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and talk about the right next steps for you.
