What Couples Counseling Can Teach You about Effective Communication in Relationships
Most couples who go to counseling together are hoping to learn about effective communication skills. Although we all know that good communication is essential to a thriving relationship, it’s tough to nail down exactly what that entails. In couples counseling, I work with clients by helping them change their interaction. Each person works on adjusting their manner of communicating so that they come closer to a middle ground of understanding.
So, what can couples counseling teach you about effective communication in relationships? Below is just the tip of the iceberg about what couples counseling has to offer.
How to Express What’s Important to You
Do you feel like no matter how many times you say what you want or need, your partner just doesn’t get it? You feel misunderstood, so you try to get your point across again or in a new way. But your partner either says nothing at all or gets irritated. Now you’re both frustrated and feeling distant from each other.
Couples counseling can show you how less is more. It’s easier to make yourself understood by using fewer words, but choosing words (and gestures) that have a greater impact. Counseling helps you reflect and figure out, What is my core message? What is really going on within me that needs my partner’s attention?
How to Listen for What’s Important to Your Partner
Now for the inverse of above. Do you ever feel confused and overwhelmed by your partner? You’ve tried to give them what they want, but it feels like nothing is ever good enough. Now they’re bringing up the same issue again, and you want to just shut down or defend yourself. That doesn’t make things better, but you’re pretty tired of getting criticized again.
Couples counseling can help you take a step back from your immediate reaction, and learn to interpret what your partner really wants from you. You’ll start to see how your partner’s requests fit into a broader pattern that reflects their core values and dreams. Counseling will also help you reflect on yourself: Why is this so hard for me to hear? What is really going on within me that balks at this message?
How to Start and End Important Conversations
One reason couples counseling works is simply because it’s an agreed upon place and time, with a definite start and end, for having tough but important conversations. Relationship talks outside of therapy can go astray for any number of reasons, like someone feeling caught off guard or maybe they just need to get some sleep.
In couples counseling, you will learn how to set boundaries around relationship talks so that you can eventually have them outside of counseling. Starting a conversation off on the right foot, with each of you in the right frame of mind, makes it more likely for you to each feel heard and respected. It’s also essential to know when and how to end a conversation so that each of you feels connected and on the same team.
How to Maximize Your Progress
Couples counseling is so effective because it teaches self-reflection, impactful speaking, and attentive listening to both partners simultaneously. Each person gets to witness the other’s insight and effort to change, which helps create empathy and restores a foundation of goodwill. If both of you are learning how to send messages clearly and receive them openly, then you will start to connect and understand each other on an entirely new level.
Ready to learn more about how couples counseling can improve your relationship? Click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation. I’d love to hear about your particular situation and how I can help.
