It’s hard to underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. Trust is feeling safe with someone and believing in the strength and stability of your bond. This sense of safety and reliability can only be built over time through hundreds of little moments, every single day, through responsiveness and acceptance. Trust erodes when partners turn away from each other’s bids for connection, when they neglect each other’s rich emotional inner worlds, and when they actively express disregard for each other (knowingly or not).

If you’ve had the same fight over and over with your partner, then you’re probably used to asking yourself: “Why are they like that?! What on earth are they thinking?” If you keep coming up empty for answers, then you probably get frustrated with your partner for refusing to communicate with you, or for saying things that just don’t make a lot of sense to you. Or maybe you have some guesses about what your partner is thinking, but your guesses make you feel even worse. You might be starting to wonder if they care about you at all…

Most couples who go to counseling together are hoping to learn about effective communication skills. Although we all know that good communication is essential to a thriving relationship, it’s tough to nail down exactly what that entails. In couples counseling, I work with clients by helping them change their interaction. Each person works on adjusting their manner of communicating so that they come closer to a middle ground of understanding.

So, what can couples counseling teach you about effective communication in relationships? Below is just the tip of the iceberg about what couples counseling has to offer: