Five Simple Phrases to Build Trust in Your Relationship
It’s hard to underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. Trust is feeling safe with someone and believing in the strength and stability of your bond. This sense of safety and reliability can only be built over time through hundreds of little moments, every single day, through responsiveness and acceptance. Trust erodes when partners turn away from each other’s bids for connection, when they neglect each other’s rich emotional inner worlds, and when they actively express disregard for each other (knowingly or not).
If you feel the need to build trust in a relationship again, please know that it will take some time and effort to lay a new foundation. Below are five simple phrases that you can use, and the underlying work that goes into them, to show your partner that you are committed to the process of building a loving, trusting relationship.
“I’m listening.”
Be on the lookout for your partner sharing something meaningful about their inner world with you. Stop what you’re doing, and fully turn your body and eyes to them. Show them that everything else can wait, because what they is saying to you is the most important thing going on.
“What do you need?”
Your partner might not even know what they need, but asking them conveys that their needs are important to you. If they do express a need and you’re able to meet it, all the better. If not, then try to sit still with their answer for a while. Simple absorbing what they said - rather than becoming defensive or jumping to “fix it mode” - shows that you can handle the fact that your partner has needs. They are more likely to feel secure in expressing their needs if you can do this.
“Can you say more about that?”
Building trust in your relationship also stems from your open-mindedness to your partner’s inner world. “Can you say more about that?” comes in handy if your partner does express a need or feeling but you’re not sure how to respond to it. Asking your partner to elaborate shows your interest in who they are as a person and your commitment to understanding them. Open-ended questions create room for people to reveal their more vulnerable sides.
“I’m here for you.”
Uncertainty if someone is going to be there in tough times is the core of a trust issue. Literally saying that you are present and available to your partner shows your commitment to loving them through stress, confusion, and arguments. Remind them that, at the end of the day, you’re in this together. Try saying “I’m here for you” in place of giving advice to your partner when they are having a stressful time.
“I appreciate you.”
This phrase shows your partner that you see and value their contributions, which translates to valuing them as a person. Challenge yourself to notice as many ways as possible in a given day that your partner is working for you, your relationship, and others. Draw attention to those efforts and get in touch with how grateful you are for them. Express that gratitude often.
Building trust in your relationship is a lot more complicated than memorizing these phrases and injecting them into conversation. It’s about noticing your partner and their efforts to connect with you, responding to those efforts with empathy and kindness, and simultaneously accepting your partner’s faults while graciously working with them to improve. It’s tough and takes a lot of skill.
If you need help with trust in your relationship, then couples counseling might be a good step for you. I offer couples counseling in Wakefield, Rhode Island, and online everywhere in Rhode Island and Connecticut. I’d love to help you get your relationship on track.
Are you longing for more trust in your relationship? If you’d like to hear more about how I can help through couples counseling, click here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.
