Three Tips to Prepare for Your First Couples Counseling Session
Waiting for your first couples counseling session is nerve-wracking. You’ve been trying to deal with your relationship problems on your own for awhile, but now you’re finally on the same page as your partner about getting help. Then, you’ve sifted through the maze of couples therapists to find the right one, and you’re really hoping this is going to work for you. To get the most out of your first couples counseling session, try these tips.
1 - Think About Your Goals for Couples Counseling
Your couples counselor is probably going to ask you, “What do you hope to change through the couples counseling process?” Think about what your relationship would look like if couples counseling were successful. How would you feel? Knowing what differences to look for makes it easier to see if the counseling is working.
What do you, personally, want to learn so you can be a better partner? (Like, how to cool your anger or defensiveness, how to speak up when you feel sad, how to approach conflicts in a constructive way, etc.) Reflecting on what changes you personally can make will give you a head start on the couples counseling process, which involves a lot of self-examination and work.
If you’re able to, have a conversation with your partner about your mutual goals for couples counseling. If you can’t agree or don’t feel comfortable bringing it up, then you can wait to figure it out during the session. That’s what couples counseling is for!
2 - Practice Taking Deep Breaths
You are about to say and hear things that are very sensitive, in front of a total stranger. It’s normal to be nervous about your first counseling session. Having the ability to self-soothe right there in the moment is hugely beneficial - in and out of the therapy room. You’ll be better able to focus on what the therapist and your partner are telling you, and you’ll be able to express yourself more clearly.
Taking deep breaths is an easy and effective way to calm yourself. Keep it simple: breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, slowly. Breathe out longer than you breathe in.
3 - Plan for After the Couples Counseling Session
Talking about anything for an hour - let alone problems in your relationship - is draining. Before the session, or during it, try to plan with your partner how you’ll spend the hour or so immediately after counseling. Resist the temptation to rehash the details of the session, especially if it was tense. Instead, plan to do something easy and restorative. Listen to music, take a walk, take a shower or a nap - either with your partner, or alone. You’ll be able to process what happened in the session better after a little rest.
Your first couples counseling session is the beginning of a big change in your relationship. It’s normal to not know what to expect, or what to say, or what to make of your partner’s statements. The couples counselor’s role is to help you make sense of it all. You can do this.
