It’s hard to underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. Trust is feeling safe with someone and believing in the strength and stability of your bond. This sense of safety and reliability can only be built over time through hundreds of little moments, every single day, through responsiveness and acceptance. Trust erodes when partners turn away from each other’s bids for connection, when they neglect each other’s rich emotional inner worlds, and when they actively express disregard for each other (knowingly or not).

Waiting for your first couples counseling session is nerve-wracking. You’ve been trying to deal with your relationship problems on your own for awhile, but now you’re finally on the same page as your partner about getting help. Then, you’ve sifted through the maze of couples therapists to find the right one, and you’re really hoping this is going to work for you.

To get the most out of your first couples counseling session, try these tips.

If you’ve had the same fight over and over with your partner, then you’re probably used to asking yourself: “Why are they like that?! What on earth are they thinking?” If you keep coming up empty for answers, then you probably get frustrated with your partner for refusing to communicate with you, or for saying things that just don’t make a lot of sense to you. Or maybe you have some guesses about what your partner is thinking, but your guesses make you feel even worse. You might be starting to wonder if they care about you at all…

Most couples who go to counseling together are hoping to learn about effective communication skills. Although we all know that good communication is essential to a thriving relationship, it’s tough to nail down exactly what that entails. In couples counseling, I work with clients by helping them change their interaction. Each person works on adjusting their manner of communicating so that they come closer to a middle ground of understanding.

So, what can couples counseling teach you about effective communication in relationships? Below is just the tip of the iceberg about what couples counseling has to offer:

It’s understandable that some people are reluctant to try out couples counseling. There is a lot of misrepresentation in TV and movies. And because relationship struggles are often kept private, you probably won’t hear from your friends and family who tried out couples counseling and had a great experience. Deciding to come to couples counseling is hard enough without misinformation about how it works and what it can do for you.

To help you know what to really expect, I’ve broken down some myths about effective couples counseling:

If you’re feeling stuck or confused in your relationship, you might be wondering if couples counseling can provide clarity and way forward for you and your partner. Or maybe you’re already planning to go couples counseling, but you’re not sure what to expect.

To help you understand how couples counseling works, let’s delve into five truths about effective couples counseling:

As someone who relocated to Rhode Island from nearby Connecticut, I have loved immersing myself in Rhode Island culture. The beaches, seafood, and likelihood of bumping into someone you know all make Lil Rhody a special place. But just because they live near a beach doesn’t mean that Rhode Islanders sometimes struggle in their relationships and need support from a trained professional.

If you are looking for help in finding just the right couples therapist, here are some places to start your search:

Many couples therapists in Rhode Island nowadays are offering a consultation call before you book your first therapy session. This is beneficial for both you and the therapist, so you can make sure you’re a good fit for each other. Feeling out the therapist before you commit to a session can save you a lot of time and energy. But you might be wondering, What should I ask in the consultation? What will the therapist ask me?

Every consultation will be a little different, but here are some topics that are likely to come up: