Floating Stream: A Mindfulness Exercise for Managing Your Thoughts
In a previous blog I wrote about the importance of making intentional choices about where you focus your attention. In today’s post, I’d like to share a mindfulness exercise that I often teach in couples counseling. The exercise allows you to not focus your attention on thoughts that, for one reason or another, you don’t want to focus on. You can always return to the thoughts later, but you - and not the thoughts - will be in control of where and when.
There are any number of circumstances in which a skill like this is useful. Maybe you simply don’t have the time to delve into the thoughts, or they send you into a self-defeating spiral, or you are actively trying to rewire thinking patterns that aren’t serving you well.
Here are a few concrete examples where this skill may apply:
When you’re trying to spend meaningful time with your partner but keep thinking about stressors like your job
When you’re having sex but are also having self-conscious thoughts about your body or performance
When you are and your partner are rebuilding your relationship after some kind of rupture, and traumatic memories pop up at the worst times
Learn a Skill to Manage Unwanted Thoughts
The exercise to build this skill is called Floating Stream. The goal is to practice observing thoughts and letting go of them, without engaging with them. I’ve found that sitting down to thoroughly visualize this exercise at least once makes it much easier to use at a moment’s notice when you really need it.
Close your eyes. Imagine a stream with water lazily flowing past you. As you look at the water, you notice small objects like twigs and leaves floating by.
Now imagine that the objects floating by are your thoughts, feelings, sensations - whatever you notice entering your awareness. As they float down the stream, just watch them come, and then watch them float away. After something floats past you and out of sight, turn your attention back to the stream to watch what comes next.
Do not reach for anything that comes your way. Just let whatever you see come, and then watch it go.
Practice this visualization for at least one minute.
Were you able to identify objects in the stream? Did you have a hard time letting go of anything? Did you see the same things floating by over and over? No matter what you saw or what happened in your mind, you are learning a skill that will help your relationship.
Mindfulness Skills can Enhance Your Relationship
Mindfulness skills are a practice that you never perfect. The practicing itself is the goal. If you are experiencing intrusive and unwanted thoughts that are harmful to your relationship, I hope this exercise allows you to develop a nonjudgmental, observer stance that ultimately reduces those thoughts. By allowing thoughts to enter and leave your mind, without judgment, you will be better able to focus your attention on the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that really do matter and will enhance your relationship.
If you’re having trouble managing thoughts on your own, then opening up about them to a qualified couples counselor can help. In couples counseling, I show people how, when, and why to use skills like these so they can begin to thoroughly enjoy their relationship.
Adapted from Mindfulness Skills Workbook for Clinicians & Clients by Debra Burdick, LCSW, BCN, 2013
Are unwanted thoughts getting in the way of you having a fulfilling relationship? If you’re curious how I can help, click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation with me to discuss your situation.
I provide marriage counseling and couples counseling in Wakefield, Rhode Island, and online everywhere in Rhode Island and Connecticut. I’d love to give you the tools to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
