Six Ways to Get More Out of Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is an investment in one of the most important relationships in your life. Although your couples counselor is the primary director of the process, there are several ways that you can make yourself as active a participant as possible. Below are six tips for couples counseling that will help you get more out of the experience.
Find a Counselor that’s a Good Fit
Choosing a couples counselor that’s a good fit for you and your partner will save you loads of angst, time, and money. Look for someone with specific expertise in couples counseling and that you feel comfortable speaking with. A strong relationship between counselor and client is a huge predictor of therapeutic success. Before getting too attached to any one potential couples counselor, schedule consultation calls with several so you and your partner can get a feel for what you like. Here are tips on how to find a couples counselor in Rhode Island and how to have a successful consultation call.
Give your Counselor Feedback
Just like in any relationship, your couples counselor is not a mindreader. It’s extremely helpful to everyone involved if you communicate your needs and concerns about the therapy itself. Research on the effectiveness of therapy shows that clients achieve better outcomes when the therapist incorporates such feedback. If your couples therapist isn’t already asking for feedback, then feel free to volunteer it. Let them know if there’s something you’d like to work on more or less, if you’re not feeling heard or understood by the therapist, if you keep getting stuck on something, or if anything the therapist says or does is confusing to you. Your couples counselor should be open-minded to your feedback, and either adjust accordingly or justify their process to you. If you’ve found your couples counselor can’t incorporate reasonable feedback, then it’s perfectly fine to look for one who can.
Prioritize your Appointments
Schedule a standing appointment time that is do-able for you and your partner to make, every single week. If you need to miss an appointment, ask your couples counselor to reschedule it instead of canceling entirely. Making your appointments regularly helps you keep up momentum, and it shows your partner that you’re committed to the process.
Take Notes
Bring a notebook with you and right after the session, jot down your key take-aways from the session. Even if you write down only one word, the process of writing will help you absorb the concept more fully and keep it in your mind throughout the week. Here are some writing prompts:
“What do I need to work on this week?”
“What is my partner working on that I want to support them in?”
“What is something I learned about myself or my partner today?”
“Where did I feel myself getting stuck in the session?”
You can also take notes throughout the week so you can remember what to bring up in the therapy session. So many times, clients have said to me, “I thought of something to tell you but now I can’t remember.” I’m dying to know what it was!
Prepare your Mind and Body for Sessions
A good couples counseling session is work. If you go into the session with a basic need unmet, like for hunger or sleep, or you’re stressed out about something outside of your relationship, then you won’t have as much to give to the session. Instead, try to be as well-rested and fed as possible, and focus your mind on your therapeutic goals. After the session, give yourself some downtime to absorb what happened without rushing off to the next thing.
Giving yourself a cushion of time before and after the session is especially important if you’re doing online therapy. If your therapy session is scheduled in between work meetings, then you probably won’t be able to focus as well during or after the session.
Ask for Reading Materials
Hopefully you are seeing a qualified couples counselor who is basing the whole therapeutic process on an evidence-based model (definitely feel free to ask them if that’s the case!). If so, then they should be able to recommend some additional reading materials that align with the model they’re using. I usually recommend Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson to read in conjunction with couples counseling.
If you do like a book that your therapist recommends, search for other materials by the author, like podcasts, YouTube videos, or social media. There are tons of ways to inject little nuggets of relationship wisdom into your life outside of the therapy session. If you follow someone that your therapist recommends, then your therapy should coalesce with your additional reading materials.
Couples counseling is a complicated process. You want a couples counselor who has a plan and who primarily takes responsibility for how the sessions are run. However, you are responsible for how much change you create on your side of the equation in your relationship. These tips for couples counseling can help you get the most out of the experience so that you make meaningful change as quickly and smoothly as possible.
If you’re curious about how I conduct couples counseling, click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation with me. I’d love to chat about the changes you’d like to see in your relationship.
I provide couples counseling in Wakefield, Rhode Island, and online everywhere in Rhode Island and Connecticut.
